Saturday, 30 April 2016

Sayonara April...

assalamualaikum

Annyong haseyo

pheww,, April dah nak pergi. huaaa TT and yeah April is one of my favourite month in a year. sebab April adalah bulan yang mengingatkan masih ada orang yang ingat aku. walau jauh, walau tak rapat macam mana pun, bertahun renggang macam mana pun, mesti ada orang yang ingat tapi mesti malu2 nak wish lettew. *peghasaaan hahah terutama sekali family. they are always orang terawal wish birthday. arigatou desune.

tapi 160416 kali ini is the most favourite numbr, sebab sangat cantik number tu bagi aku. bagi akuu laah. bagi org lain its just a number. hahahh 

nak diringkaskan bulan April tahun ni terlalu banyak peristiwa. tersangat banyak, cuma tak tahu nak cerita yang mana satu. ada sweet ada sour ala2 ikan siakap masak tiga rasa gittew. 

the biggest event in my family was on 9th April 2016.where my brother got married. masa tu, perasaan aku macam kehilangan kekasih hati je huhuhu mestilah!! sebab he is my second boyfriend kat dunia ni. how time fly too fast till i cant feel through each moment with him. dialah abang dan dialah ketua keluarga slepas abah. baru je kut aku rasa dia ajar aku panjat palang penyidai baju masa aku 4 tahun. aku rasa baru je peristiwa dia tipu sudu yang kena layur dengan api tu tak panas dan buat parut kekal kat kaki aku. aku rasa dia baru je sepak perut aku sebab aku megadu dekat mak yang dia ada awek time tu aku baru darjah 3 hahaha.and the list goes on till now and forever. sebab hobi dia memang suka cari pasal dengan aku seperti contoh buat mak marah lepastu aku yang kena, kacau orang tengah makan dengan ambik makann org, tarik rambut dan campak biji rambutan kat aku. tapii, dia lah orang pertama yang tahu kalu aku ada masalah dekat kampus. dan everytime dia sedar perubahan aku, dia tak akan suruh aku senyap. he will keep asking why? who? what? how?. and lastly dia akan bagi pesanan padu kat aku. too much advice dari dia yang aku tahu abang aku ni seorang yang sayang adik dia. bila perangai aku berubah dia akan tanya "mana kau belaja cakap macamtu?' 'kau buat apa kat sana?'' ''kalau ada masalah bagitau'' ''kalau ada apa2 abang boleh tolong, bagitahu je''. and one week before he got his new big responsibility, i knew after this everything will slightly change. he will not be the same as before, he got new priority. by the time i knew this, i felt so lonely, aku rasa sangat sedih smpai aku tak selera makan, memnagis smpai aku rasa,  buat apa nak mengis dengan abang sendri? should be aku suka sbb abg ada org yang akn jaga.  

16 April is the spotlight of the month. honestly aku takut nak sampai ke tarikh tu. kalau boleh, masa tu stop sampai 15th April. apa yang aku takut pun tak tau, tapi aku harap sngt it will never happen hahaha. tapi Alhamdulillah, this year, Allah masih berikan aku nyawa, masih berikan aku tenaga, masih berikan orang2 skeliling untuk aku hargai dan aku takut selama aku hidup 20 tahun kat dunia ni, berapa bayk amal ibadat aku yang diterima? berapa bayak dosa yang aku lakukan setiap hari? adakah dengan pahala yang aku ada dpt jamin aku ke syurga nanti?.. Allahu. 

so yeah, 9th and 16th are the biggest event in this month. to make it short,. aku kena jadi matang dan terus kuat.aku kena buka mata yang mak abh dah berusia, abang dan kakak dah ada tanggungjawb sndri, aku tak boleh mengharapkan simpati apatah lagi nak perhatian lebih. aku kena jadi dewasa. redha ibu bapa adalah redha Allah. walau apa pun keputusan kau, kau masih dalam tanggungan mak abah. everyone in yr family have through their phases. and youll be soon. what you are now shows who you are in the future. have courage, be strong and believe. believe in no matter that happen in this life is what Allah has written for you. the path that you choose are the future that youll through. Allah always give His mercy and guidance, find it always to make sure you choose the right path. and most importantly, dont forget yr parents and family as yr backbone, you carry yr father's name everywhere, you carry a responsibility. dont forget who you are. think and act wisely. be a light (Nur) in your intellect ('Aqilah) like a sunlight (Shams) brighten the world.


Saturday, 2 April 2016

Love life

assalamualaikum ^^

rasanya dah lama aku tak menjiwang dekat blog sbb only precious moment and people je aku tulis kat sini, itu pun ada yg tertinggal hahah. so yeah harini nak menjiwang sekejap sebab ramai tanya soalan2 camni kat aku. haihh,. tau lah aku ni lonely sangat. huaaaa TT

basically aku bukanlah hijabster yang cantik lagi sejuk mata memandang. aku just budak sombong yang berhati keras lagi kayu bab bercinta. currently memang aku kayu lah bab2 camni lagi2 bila orang nak try2 ni, (menyampah siott laki camtu.) haa kalau dah namanya kayu tu memang aku rasa korang semua paham kut kalu aku takde boyfriend apatah lagi ada orang minat. #sistabah

aku hanyalah perempuan dengan dunia aku sendiri. dunia ceconet yang takde orang nak pandang pun dan aku pun tak nak pandang. and bagi aku miracle gilaa lah kalu ada orang minat aku tu hahaha. so just

me, myself & I, 
solo ride until I die

and annoying + weird thing happen bila orang tanya ;

1) Qilaa, lately ni ceriaa je muka, ada sapa2 ke? 
- mestilah dorang tanya camtu sbb aku ni bukan social sangat. dah la antisocial. so peliklah bagi orang bila nmpak aku happy je seminggu tu lagi2, bila tersengih2 tengok phone. haihh

*Deyyy,.habistu kau nak aku masam je ke tiap hari?. dah la muka sombong lagi poyo, dah la tak laku, sapa nak aku kalau masam je berpanjangan, takde nuuur gittew. #fliptudung
* tersengih2 depan phone je ada bf, aisehmannn,. pi la scroll chat wassep aku, haaa carilah nama lelaki yg terselit antara berpuluh2 group yang aku ada.. paling kurang pun nama aneh. tu pun kalu diri aku dah accept dia as bestfriend. tu pun sorang,. yang lain semua kat bawah skali chat list tu. adoiii,. (biase ler pompuan mmg payoh nak caya kalu org pompuan tu cakp takde bf. #nowadays #fliptudung)

2) Qila, cantiknya harini, nak pergi dating ehh
- soalan2 camni aku iyekan je, hahahaha

*hakikatnya dorang just usik dan aku rasa diorang buta,. kena pergi jumpa abe india optometry aku dia ni. serious case kut.

setakat ni takdelah soalan bnayak mana yang aku rasa lah sebb mostly soalan 1 tu. haihh. maybe aku jenis yang sombong dan serious. tetiba pulak aku happy gila berpanjangan tu memang ajaib kut bagi dorang. hahahah.

so if korang tanya dalam hati ni ada sesiapa ke? aku hanya boleh jawab blurry sebab aku sendiri dah lama lupa how to love and to be in love. im failed once and most of it i kept it secret. if i do confession tu pun masa aku form 3 hiks hahah (malu beb ingat balek, alaa budu nyee aku time tu) and that confession end up with i take back the confession and palau dia as friend till know hahahaha.

umur dah 20, range umur bila nafsu nak disayangi dan menyayangi tu tengah menggelegak lah kut sbb most of my friend either male/ female dah berpunya dan ada yang cuba nak try semua perempuan/lelaki kalu boleh. hahaha if we went out from that surrounding, you will see how weird those people are. but the question is,.

Is it you or them are weird right now? 

take a look at how they able to manage their teenage life while balancing studies and relationships. this question is up to that individual. being in love and to love is normal in this mankind. but the answer is how they control that feeling with their obligations with religion, family, friends, studies and relationship? if they can balancing well, thus its okay but are they manage the important obligation as well as others? important obligation is religion. Islam itself mengaharamkan couple kerana ia kearah zina dan kemaksiatan. even you have male bestfrind or girl best friend, if you does not put the limit or the barrier as what syariat told us, the relationship is homeless and hopeless. 

and yeah, it will give impact on your prayers by disturbing your prayer and your normal daily life as a muslim. and it also will shaken your faith. honestly it does..  so take ibrah on how people nowadays response on this issues and compared., are they with us? or they still immersed with kenikmatan dunia yang sementara ni?. this is also my reflections towards my faith and my love lfe. im affraid one day if i reverse drastically from what i said. and till know im afraid. because :

''Allah uji kita dengan apa yang kita jaga''.
it was a nice rememberance from my naqibah and sentap dia padu sebab dia cakp camni:
"Allah uji kita dengan hubungan yang kita jaga antara kita dengan Allah dengan berbagai ujian, seperti lelaki, kejayaan, kecantikan, kemewahan..''

yet, what she told is true and if we applied with our life is totally true. how hard we safe our relationships with our bf/ gf, dont forget that your biggest relationship to Allah is the most important thing. in Al Quran have stated twice in surah Ali imran:

'' Dan berpegang teguhlah kamu semuanya pada tali (agama) Allah, dan janganlah kamu bercerai- berai....'' (ayat 103)

"Mereka meliputi kehinaan di mana sahaja mereka berada, kecuali jika mereka (bepegang) pada tali (agama) Allah dan tali (perjanjian) dengan manusia.,..." (ayat 112)
from the ayat, we have to hold our relationship with Allah first and foremost before others. and the ayat told us to be kind with people. thats how we have to manage our life.

back to the question, is it us or them are weird?

weird is something antagonistically with normal behavior. so weird in this question means something that what syariat told us but they opposed. (acah2 budak jahat ler ni) and weird itself does not mean you are cool or swaggers or hipster, it does means that you are rebelling enough by living as a muslim.

so which one we are?
Think wisely and do reflection everyday. are we enough to be good muslim? 

so back on this post purpose,.

my love life is such complicated and tangled. i dont have someone to love and i dont have someone love me. and thats enough for me to look forward on my obligations. if youre asking how i manage my marriage soon? the answer is simple. i have Allah that hold my heart and knew my spouse. so what are we afraid for?  and He knows best with whom are we and when we are. put trust and faith on Him. let the rest on Him because He is Almighty Knows everything that we dont even know. He will send the best for us if we tried our best to be a good muslim.